a whole new world.

Cue magic carpet ride music...

What will my first post of 2012 hold? Well, nothing too exciting, so you can stop biting your nails now. Honestly, I should have thought this through a little better and had something profound or even funny to write, but perhaps that's a good entrance into my topic for the day.

My newest discovery...and it happens to be about myself (grammatical? is that supposed to say 'me?') It's always a little weird to write about yourself...well, at least in a public forum, like so. I suppose more or less this is just something I am coming to terms with, so why not share it.

I've started to realize the older I am the more introverted I become. Now, I want to be careful saying that because I have zero intentions of being a hermit or someone who lacks connection with people. I only say this based on some personal observations as of late. Maybe these observations don't even qualify me as introverted...maybe they make me a scaredy cat or something, I don't know, but they are my observations none the less, so humor me and read along.

[By the way - really hilarious images appear in Google images when both introvert, and extrovert are the search words. I am sparing you by not placing one here.]

Whether it's Christmas shopper crowds, or end of season sale shoppers, or your every day mid-April grocery shoppers... so sorry, but I am just not feeling it. I have this weird thing that comes over me when I walk into a store. I just want to be alone in there. Does everyone feel this way and that's just totally normal?I don't know, but there is something about solitude that I greatly long for....pretty much anywhere I go.

Leading me to the gym... okay, I may not be alone in this one, but I get total anxiety at the gym. But not necessarily for the 'typical' reasons for anxiety at the gym. I would likely go all the time if it were just myself and maybe five other people there. But the swarming, sweaty crowds? No thanks, I'll have a cheeseburger on my couch...at home...in silence. And fine, I'll pick up some free weights on the commercial break of The Biggest Loser. Seriously though, I try to psyche myself up and get in some Brenna-zone to block everyone out. I always feel I am being watched by someone, somewhere, and that inevitably i am doing something wrong...somehow. Reason number #48 I will portably never join a Zumba class.

Lastly, I didn't realize this was such a weird one until my husband brought it up to me. I used to think he would suggest getting out of the house every other day or so, so I wouldn't lose my sanity. Well, it all made sense last week. Prior to some holiday vacation time he had coming up, I was at home with the kids for two or three days in a row. No going out, not once. To me, that feels totally normal. We sit at the dinner table and he asks, "so after being stuck in the house for a couple days, do you have any plans for tomorrow?" I look at him with a puzzled smile and reply, "why? If I had it my way, we'd always be here." Of course I don't literally mean that, but it's largely the case. I LOVE being at home. He replies, "I LOVE being at home too, but I get stir crazy if it's longer than a day." We were laughing at each other and baffled at this new discovery.
It's really true though. I love being at home, just the kids and I, and of course my honey, on his days off. I love no agenda and no reason to leave. I dread official school season starting up when suddenly we'll have agenda...boo hoo.
Don't get me wrong, I love to get out with my friends once in a while, and dates with my husband are so treasured, and nights out with the family are perfecto, but give me a warm home, music, candles, snacks, and my family, and I am set for days.

So, through these observations I've come to realize that even though I may not be 100% introverted, I definitely possess a lot of tendencies. New Years eve? I would much rather stay in than go out. That may not always be true, but it's been the case for the last eight years straight...and who would want to break a streak like that? ;)

That said, I think motherhood has the potential to isolate us in some ways, and I have no intentions of becoming the neighborhood hermit who spies on my neighbors and doesn't set foot out of the house. Even introverts actually need people. :) There is something to be said for community and partnership and friendship and connection. All of those things are vital to LIVE and livelihood.

So if there's anything to be new-yearsie or resolution-like about this post is that I could stand to extend myself even more this year. Believe it or not, that was a goal of mine last year, and while I do believe there was some reaching out, I can definitely do more, be more, offer more and as the old adage goes, to have a friend you have to be a friend. So, I pray that the Lord would teach me more and more what it looks like to be a true friend. And lets honest, I am not looking for the masses -- I'd much prefer a small group of intimate friends that deeply know my heart, and me theirs, than to be a social butterfly with wings so wide they blind me to friends that are right over my shoulder. Ooh, was that almost deep, or what? Really though, that is what I want. Nothing against extroverts by the way, after all, I used to be one. Truly.

As this extremely long post comes to a close, i just want to thank you for sticking with me on this rabbit trail of an entry. Blogger is driving me nuts with its auto correcting. It makes me write trial instead of trail, and some other really goofy ones, too.

On a final, and unrelated note, I have started a goal of mine from last year. I have started journaling again. My long, lost love. Pen to paper; allowing the thoughts to escape my mind and be etched in ink. I am loving it.

Well, to all my friends, extrovert and introvert alike, may your new year be blessed and prosperous and full of LIFE!