Sometimes it just breaks my heart to discipline my kids. I know for a lot of people, discipline is given and shown in different ways. Some choose a time out spot, some choose lost privileges, some choose spankings, some choose all of the above. Then there are others, whom [sadly, in my opinion] choose none.
Anyway, this evening my dear, sweet, beautiful, seemingly perfect (yes, all biased, but all true! ;) ) daughter Breckyn was putting up walls during dinner. We asked the children to finish the meals in front of them and then we'd be off for some Christmas time fun; exploring the city in search of beautiful Christmas lights. It's a long time tradition for me, and something I look forward to each year with my own family now. So, not only were the kids quite excited, but I was too.
Broderick ate all that was required of him and was off and running, getting ready to go. Baylor was fed. Ken and I completed our meals. And then there sat Breckyn... staring at her food...and occasionally staring at us. Ken told her she had to finish four of her remaining bites and then we would leave. There wasn't an argument, there was no yelling, kicking, or screaming. There was a subtle tone of disobedience and the power a four-year-old possesses to test her parents' will to have their way.
But, we kept our calm. We continued to encourage, nudge, and persuade our daughter to finish those four measly bites. Then tension rose, we threatened not going at all. Then we reasoned, explaining that her disobedience was affecting the whole family... that none of us would enjoy the night driving around looking at lights... because she was not listening to us and choosing to disobey.
Shortly after, Ken joined me upstairs with the boys to get them ready to go in hopes that she would choose wisely. And as he made his way up the stairs, I could hear the buckets of tears falling from her eyes and down her cheeks. Thick, watery, sad tears. She was told to sit alone and finish her food. We've learned that sometimes just walking away from the situation and not giving it attention is really the trick. Well, not today.
I was feeling frustrated by her direct disobedience and unwillingness, yet saddened by the possible missed opportunity of our night, and then doubly saddened by her having to learn that lesson the hard way.
We all walked down the stairs to the sound of her still in tears. We stood by momentarily to give her one more moment of redemption. She wouldn't budge. I have no idea why, I just know she was standing her ground of 'not eating' for whatever reason.
Finally, Ken suggested I leave with Broderick to run an errand that we were going to do while we were out as a family anyway. My heart felt tugged in two directions. A part of me wanted to agree with that decision and leave the house. The other part of me wanted to run over to her, hold her arms, look in her eyes and plead with her to 'just obey' so we could hug, reconcile, and smile as we gazed out the car windows with our steamy hot cocoa in hand. I guess you could say it was a moment of personal discipline for me, as well. ;)
It was clear the choice we had to make, though. She had to sit in time out, and we all lost the privilege of the Christmas light tradition. At least for tonight, anyway.
This instance was playing through my head tonight as I was looking at the lovely Christmas cards we've received from friends far and near. All the families are smiling, and the children, especially, look so well-behaved, nicely groomed, and are smiling like little angels.
If you are a parent of a child, you know that life is not all butterflies and roses and there are moments like our family experienced tonight. The moments that tug at your heart between right and wrong and teaching your child the value of obedience and submission to authority.
My mind traveled back to those smiling children in the photos. How often do we as parents wait with bated breath for our child to break down in tears and cry in agony when we correct them so we can snap a few incredible photos with our handy cameras and use that in our next Christmas card? I hope the answer is none, though I think we've all caught the sad, crying face unintentionally...or maybe intentionally from time to time. Even the most undisciplined and disrespectful of children still have really adorable photos with their big grins, because that's what their parents see of them (most the time), and it's what they want others to think of their children.
My point is, what we show the world of our children is, the best.
We want everyone to see what our heart sees.
So of course, in my pondering of this situation tonight, my thoughts went to our Heavenly Father.
He loves us. He loves us so deeply, He aches. You know that ache you feel in your heart over your children as you watch them grow? The ache that makes you want to keep them little and dependent on you, but the ache that knows you have to let them experience and change? The ache that you feel because you know it's right, and change is healthy? Imagine the Creator of the universe. The same Creator that could have filled our feeble bodies with mush and gush and still allow us to function, because he is after-all, GOD, yet he gave us incredible vital organs, tissues, marrow, nerves, a steady heart beat and lungs that breath in and out all day long, every second of the day. HE LOVES US. And so, he wants to show the best in us. He wants the world to see His children as the light and life that he knows deep inside his heart that we are. He knows our best and our worst, but he craves and desires to show others the life, passion, vibrance, and character that oozes from us... His children.
He is a God of compassion and love and a Father that cares so tenderly, yet he knows that in order for us to change... the need for us to change... he must correct, he must discipline, he must engage us in the right way of thinking and doing so that we can be made whole. So that we can, essentially, yet seemingly unattainably, become more like Him.
My prayer is to instruct my kids in a way that is pleasing to the Lord and in a way that is like the Lord. No greater gift has been given to me than my marriage which deeply teaches me about Christ and the Church, and equally, my children which is teaching my so much about the Father's heart.
This Christmas, and every day that follows, I want to grow in the Lord, in His Word, and in His love. I want to be the best picture of His grace and love, despite the fact I have my moments of "not eating those four measly bites," and surely frustrate his heart, too. I think he'd still send the Christmas card where I am looking my best...because I'm His daughter, and he wants to show the world what He sees of me.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
2 comments:
Love this....love your heart and so appreciate you sharing. :)
That was good honey... it was a difficult night. Who wants to keep their kids from seeing Christmas Lights?! Hopefully tonight goes better. I want to give her the joy of going out. I don't want to withhold it, but we needed to last night. Parenting makes you look at your faith walk and relationship with God in such a different way.
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